“Roger. I don't think so. Noooo”
“No?”
“Roger, no. Please? OK, cool down there”
“I'm sorry. Sorry”
“Cool it down, you're a little too anxious”
“hhhhhhh... Ok”
“OK”
“No. It's... OK, I might as well tell you”
“OK... what?"
“I'm sorry, but this is the only way I could think of”
“OK, way of what?”
“I'll tell the truth, I was intending on having sex tonight”
“Awww. I wouldn't mind either but your going a little too fast, tiger”
“Oh... Oh, good, well then perhaps will be easier than I thought”
“What is that suppose to mean?”
“Look, there's a reason... a reason for all of this. The picnic at the park, the walk down the beach, us coming back here because my roommate is home. Maybe, and just maybe, there was a reason for us accidentally befriending that mariachi player”
“Aww, what's the reason?”
“OK. Here it goes. I'm a multidimensional being. I can transcend into different dimensions. No, seriously, just listen. It's kind of hard to explain to a flatsie- oh, that's what we call you guys- it's hard to explain, but it's kind of like... Like rhythmic gear work, these gateways open. Much like the windmill at on a putt-putt course, you just gotta learn the timing. Yes, I see it all. I see it... you know like in the Matrix?”
“Oooh my god... Roger, I think touching time is over”
“Hm? Oh sorry. Yeah so, I'm like a guy who can understand all that green writing. But actually it looks more like gears and sometimes in the middle it's like windmill blades.”
“Roger... What, what the hell? I thought you were really nice sense I met you and we had fun today. And, yeah, I was kind of thinking about- stop rubbing me please- well, now you're acting all weird and- STOP”
“OK,OK,OK! Look-look, OK?, look. I know this stuff is just so crazy, it's like how how could I even make it up? Yes, we've had a nice time. Meeting at our mutual friend's party. Me poking you on facebook, the flirtations. It was all because I knew at precicly this time a gateway would be open. Do you think I want to be telling you all this? No. But the fact of the matter there is right where you're ass sits, in a dimension 4 panips- that's the unit of dimensional distance- 4 panips away there is a inter dimensional bomb about to go off! Now, I only have a window of about 3 minutes to get threw that gateway which happens to share the same coordinate with your ass”
“3 minutes?”
“Well, maybe 6, I put a condom on”
“So you have to hit a bomb in another dimension with your dick and that's why you've been so nice to me?”
“Hit it to disarm it, yes. And it must be my dick because the gateway is no bigger than a mouse hole.”
“Oh, jesus”
“A finger's too small and a hand is just way too big. Hey, I would love to be out there with any of the number of girls I could be with right now but too bad for me because I gotta be here to play superman and hit that bomb which happens to share the same location as your ass right now”
“Oh, OK. So there is a super-dimension bomb hole right here where my ass is? Oh, ok, well let me just scooch over than and... there. Ok, nothing in the way now. Go on, stick your dick threw the stargate and save the world now.”
“Ummm, yeah. OK, good, it's even easier this way I suppose. Let me just wait for it... wait for it... Um, could I get
some KY?”
“Sure. There, knock yourself out”
“OK, thanks. Like I said, it's a tight fit”
“Uh-huh. Go for it”
“OK, just got to wait for the opening to appear. OK... OK... yup. Oh, oh... just gotta... Great! Ok, made out of there just in time. Gee, the friction from going between dimensions is great. Ha, I might need a cigarette”
“Uh-huh, OK, Roger, can you get your pants on and go now?”
“Well, I suppose I should get to some of those ladies now. Ha, unless you wanna hang out with a hero, baby”
“I'm good on that. Please go. Roger- no, no. Go. Go. Just go. OK, goodnight. Bye"
Monday, August 23, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The Truth About Prussia
The neighbor kid came over to barrow eleven dollars. I welcomed him in and and gave him $15 because that was the first thing I came across. Then I expedited him out saying that I had to get leaving. Frankly, I was happy just to have a situation that I could handle. It was a relief from bigger problems. It was a relief from other neighbors.
A few days ago I almost said hello to (another) neighbor. The first sound of 'hey' came out before I remembered that we weren't on speaking terms. It's probably for the best, I think we'll be cool eventually; at lest we can co-exist. This is just something that one must go threw time to time
but, you know...
The unfortunate side of being invincible is existing threw some terrible stuff. It's not that you don't fall out of windows or crack your head on the pavement, it's just that you can't get ended by it. You still feel the pain and shock and it's not like you walk away unscathed. And even things like a broken heart are even more painful because no matter what happens you know that suicide is futile.
From living for-all-of-time, I now know that it's futile to even try to think like other people do because I don't live like other people do. Things like day time court TV, phone conversation and even some types of relationships in general are just inaccessible to me. It's like trying to fit threw a mouse hole. I can see, smell and hear threw it but with the effort it takes to just stick a few fingers in it becomes evident that I'll never be on that other side.
I don't even really care if I see the money again. He's a good kid so it's not like it'll be for anything nefarious anyway. I don't even want to hassle with asking him about it, if he ever pays me back I'll conceder it a bonus.
You just gotta take bonuses as they come and you'll be happy. Astronomers need to be happy with what little of the stars can be seen. They're lucky they even have that- to know that stars are out there at all. But as soon as they wish to visit those distant solar systems they will be sourly disappointed.
I had woken up today with an issue at hand. I hate working on my day off and this was my only day off. None the less I felt obligated to deeply pounder this particular issue over a musical montage, complete with me looking deep into a pond as swans swim by while 80's snyth pop plays. It was a very confusing thing to think about and I got very upset once I realized that those damn swans could never understand my dilemma.
Ultimately I decided on the objectively right thing. The thing that also happens to hold no regard for my well being. The tougher thing that you feel proud about for a long time after doing it. So after making a decision I rested, looking at the aftermath. There was no music to this. It was just me with some vodka feeling sorry for myself.
It took a lot out of me. Maybe like how God felt after the big bang. I mean he said something along those lines anyhow. He actually called me to tell me about it while it was happening. He kept going on about how he worked all week for it, but now it's over with and everything is so chill and that I should come check it out and bla bla bla. I told him to text me if he wanted to go to the bar later but that my steak was burning so I had to go. I hate phone calls, especially when someone's in a totally different mood than you.
But I suppose that's how I was feeling, as one would while watching the universe unfold and the stars disperse. Being at peace with the suckyness... and yeah, I suppose the vodka helps. In that state, tired and still confused, I guess I forgot who I was and what was going on. So all the sudden it was like “Oh hey, a star over there, I think I'll go reach for it.” but to reach a star takes science a technology the likes of which are not avalible. You need to at lest go the speed of light, and that's impossible. It's like invading Russia, it just can't be done.
That was my difficult choice, by the way. Well, not Russia but Prussia. Same thing, really. It's something that every emperor faces eventually. There she is, I thought. No air force to speak of, well endowed with rich resources and an industrial infrastructure. The border gates wide open; welcoming infact. But after studying the terrain area, weighing out the strength of my army against how many casualties to expect, the logistics of the supply lines, occuping forces- there's just no way.
It's a shame because she would make the perfect annexation, but an emperor has to do things in the name of the empire more so than himself. That being said, I figured I might as well make the best out of it and send some diplomats and set up a photo shoot, get some good international PR. But even for this I acted to soon. I forgot how confusing the whole thing was and how my finger was still resting on the war trigger. I know that Prussia has a different alphabet all together, slightly different grammar, perhaps that's it but I don't know. One way or another the Stand Down turned to an Advance.
So then I'm racing across town towards her and as I approach the speed of light my mass becomes more and more infinite, crushing under it's self with ever foot gained. The tire pops, phone inoperable, clean cloths splattered; it was all very frustrating. The physics of going really really fast and thusly becoming really really dense combined with a pot hole sent me out the top of my truck, I had recently installed a sun ruff.
I went out, went up and then came down. Hard. I'd imagine it would have looked pretty damn epic if I would have seen it as an outsider. I didn't move for a while. At first, because I was still near infinite density so I just couldn't move. But then I just laid there for a while, until all the gawkers had walked away and listed to the silence. It was comforting against the confusion
That's why I was happy to lend Ant the money. It was something simple and strait forward. Who knows, maybe it was a big deal to him, maybe that's what he needed to get to work. I dunno. But now that he's gone and I'm now all alone looking into the dark shadows of my room. I didn't actually have anywhere to go like I told him.
There are revolutions and elections all the time. If I play right and get some political capitol, who knows, maybe the Prussian dynamic will change over time. Who would have guess America and China would be buddied up like they are now? I guess I just gotta clean my cloths because I gotta get up and go to work tomorrow- what with this damn invincibility and all.
At lest I got this post card from Königsberg, and with out any confusion I can be happy about that.
A few days ago I almost said hello to (another) neighbor. The first sound of 'hey' came out before I remembered that we weren't on speaking terms. It's probably for the best, I think we'll be cool eventually; at lest we can co-exist. This is just something that one must go threw time to time
but, you know...
The unfortunate side of being invincible is existing threw some terrible stuff. It's not that you don't fall out of windows or crack your head on the pavement, it's just that you can't get ended by it. You still feel the pain and shock and it's not like you walk away unscathed. And even things like a broken heart are even more painful because no matter what happens you know that suicide is futile.
From living for-all-of-time, I now know that it's futile to even try to think like other people do because I don't live like other people do. Things like day time court TV, phone conversation and even some types of relationships in general are just inaccessible to me. It's like trying to fit threw a mouse hole. I can see, smell and hear threw it but with the effort it takes to just stick a few fingers in it becomes evident that I'll never be on that other side.
I don't even really care if I see the money again. He's a good kid so it's not like it'll be for anything nefarious anyway. I don't even want to hassle with asking him about it, if he ever pays me back I'll conceder it a bonus.
You just gotta take bonuses as they come and you'll be happy. Astronomers need to be happy with what little of the stars can be seen. They're lucky they even have that- to know that stars are out there at all. But as soon as they wish to visit those distant solar systems they will be sourly disappointed.
I had woken up today with an issue at hand. I hate working on my day off and this was my only day off. None the less I felt obligated to deeply pounder this particular issue over a musical montage, complete with me looking deep into a pond as swans swim by while 80's snyth pop plays. It was a very confusing thing to think about and I got very upset once I realized that those damn swans could never understand my dilemma.
Ultimately I decided on the objectively right thing. The thing that also happens to hold no regard for my well being. The tougher thing that you feel proud about for a long time after doing it. So after making a decision I rested, looking at the aftermath. There was no music to this. It was just me with some vodka feeling sorry for myself.
It took a lot out of me. Maybe like how God felt after the big bang. I mean he said something along those lines anyhow. He actually called me to tell me about it while it was happening. He kept going on about how he worked all week for it, but now it's over with and everything is so chill and that I should come check it out and bla bla bla. I told him to text me if he wanted to go to the bar later but that my steak was burning so I had to go. I hate phone calls, especially when someone's in a totally different mood than you.
But I suppose that's how I was feeling, as one would while watching the universe unfold and the stars disperse. Being at peace with the suckyness... and yeah, I suppose the vodka helps. In that state, tired and still confused, I guess I forgot who I was and what was going on. So all the sudden it was like “Oh hey, a star over there, I think I'll go reach for it.” but to reach a star takes science a technology the likes of which are not avalible. You need to at lest go the speed of light, and that's impossible. It's like invading Russia, it just can't be done.
That was my difficult choice, by the way. Well, not Russia but Prussia. Same thing, really. It's something that every emperor faces eventually. There she is, I thought. No air force to speak of, well endowed with rich resources and an industrial infrastructure. The border gates wide open; welcoming infact. But after studying the terrain area, weighing out the strength of my army against how many casualties to expect, the logistics of the supply lines, occuping forces- there's just no way.
It's a shame because she would make the perfect annexation, but an emperor has to do things in the name of the empire more so than himself. That being said, I figured I might as well make the best out of it and send some diplomats and set up a photo shoot, get some good international PR. But even for this I acted to soon. I forgot how confusing the whole thing was and how my finger was still resting on the war trigger. I know that Prussia has a different alphabet all together, slightly different grammar, perhaps that's it but I don't know. One way or another the Stand Down turned to an Advance.
So then I'm racing across town towards her and as I approach the speed of light my mass becomes more and more infinite, crushing under it's self with ever foot gained. The tire pops, phone inoperable, clean cloths splattered; it was all very frustrating. The physics of going really really fast and thusly becoming really really dense combined with a pot hole sent me out the top of my truck, I had recently installed a sun ruff.
I went out, went up and then came down. Hard. I'd imagine it would have looked pretty damn epic if I would have seen it as an outsider. I didn't move for a while. At first, because I was still near infinite density so I just couldn't move. But then I just laid there for a while, until all the gawkers had walked away and listed to the silence. It was comforting against the confusion
That's why I was happy to lend Ant the money. It was something simple and strait forward. Who knows, maybe it was a big deal to him, maybe that's what he needed to get to work. I dunno. But now that he's gone and I'm now all alone looking into the dark shadows of my room. I didn't actually have anywhere to go like I told him.
There are revolutions and elections all the time. If I play right and get some political capitol, who knows, maybe the Prussian dynamic will change over time. Who would have guess America and China would be buddied up like they are now? I guess I just gotta clean my cloths because I gotta get up and go to work tomorrow- what with this damn invincibility and all.
At lest I got this post card from Königsberg, and with out any confusion I can be happy about that.
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